A sound of faith

A windy sky

Cold breeze of air as if it challenges me to survie

Dark blue colored oceanAnd emptiness .. surrounds me I’m feeling lost

My mind is somewhere far

As my heart is even further

I can’t see any slight of light

And I’m scared Of where I’m heading next

Cold windy breeze coming towards my face

To shut my eyes and forces me to listen

To this loud sound of univers That tells me to settle my soul for once and give myself to it

My eyes are still shut, and my face is filled with my tears ..

I don’t know what’s next

All I know is that I’m listening to this calmness A heavy sound of waves

As don’t worry it says ..

My hair lies towards my shoulders as I feel somehow warm

As if I’m finally settled and in peace

Not knowing how

Not knowing why

And not knowing what’s next

All I know is that I feel save Within this empty universe .. as it tells me to have some faith ..

• Rahaf b.

Adieu

Tags

poems

We lost it, the same place we started it.

A dark-colored sky, a forest, and the moon shining bright, cold breeze of air, in a summer night, darkness all over and perhaps a sound of a wolf howling loud, how insecure it is, to feel no warmth at all. Emptiness, followed with terrible heaviness, a bond that was tight till death, has loosened and lost its faith.

Somewhere around that same cliff we separated and started to walk backwards steps. No knowing why, not realising the coldness that’s covering our hearts and blinding our sights.

Yet we knew, that it was the one thing that’s right. Somehow or another. We just felt.

Somewhere around that same road, we met, to say the final goodbye. To see each other for one more time. And to leave, silently with a look of I will always have you on my mind. Be safe. Until another lifetime.

Blue period

Tags

poems

Drowning

Thinking

Heavily blending

A rainy sky, the breeze of depression runs through the eyes, a blue day, the paintings of Picasso covers the entire space, the blue period of where sadness stay, a rhythm of only Spain can play, oh why won’t you say?

The heaviness of the nothingness fills your soul the same way that kills your whole oh what happened to the cure why can’t you feel secure?

A breeze of air, the blue spirit of Picasso’s old guitarists’ melody I hear it

A cloudy day, the breeze of sorrow somehow follows, the heaviness of the fullest emptiness, the blue spirit that turns to pain.

Drowning

Thinking

Heavily blending

Lost

Feeling it most

Chocking

Hardly holding

Trying to survive

And In a dark coloured ocean I feel it in my lungs

To finally give up, and face all my failing tries

River of expectations

Closer to a river full of expectations, with a boat that almost feels like an equation, life is tough yet it blooms in some seasons, the water is cold and I am almost freezing, the way I feel comes around like winter season, sometimes I feel light breezes and some other times I feel it as cold as the southern pole breezes.Where am I today I’m lost in the middle of a crowded aim, what to accomplish and what to do is a heavy game, I’m thinking, lost, wondering most, in the middle of the river I feel insecure. My paddle is breaking out way further before the shore and I trap in, freeze, and think about how to blend in, how to be what I want in the middle of a place that doesn’t reflect my inner self, how to begin and how to stand up again.Closer today than I have ever been, yet here comes a mountain that cuts my way out of nowhere. And in the middle of a pure coloured river, I crash, and I drown, again.

Holding on

Tags

poems

I wanted him to be mine the most, I prayed, I hoped and I kept on holding on.

Things were never the same, yet I wanted it to feel like home, for as long as possible, because this is the only way for me to feel like I belong, and I kept on holding on.

For one more day

One more year

And a lifetime

I spent my days hoping. Chasing. Wondering, and hurting. I spent my days over something that I was better off without, yet I’ve never found out.

My emotions were dragging me, deeper and deeper each time, and I listened. I Went to somewhere different. Somewhere where darkness is the only color, where everything crashes at once.

Yet

I kept on holding on

For one more day

One more year

And a lifetime

Until I eventually lost my own self

For nothing

I lost my peace

• Nov 2nd 21:59 / today

Complicated

I was harsh, but my heart was burning 

I was mean, cause my soul was hurting 

I was sad, cause everything I loved was fading

And I was selfish, because everything was ending

The happiness

The love

The letters

All at once

Took the rest of me and started to hurt, started a war that made me feel the burn I had to unbend, to loosen the rope, it scratches my hands it scratches my soul, It had to reach an end, it all wrapped around my neck I couldn’t breathe, it chocked my breath

The pain

The hurt

The memory

It all wrapped around me made me reach the end

It hurts

It burns

A war it turns

To a place where darkness covers the scenes

It took me,

Took my heart

took my whole

My body and my soul

Got me tired, of it all, I no longer want to burn I’m not letting go, yet the burn in my chest will soon be cold, my shattered pieces are mine to hold,

And I’ll be fine,

I’ll be the soldier

And I’ll be mine

I’ll hold my hand

and I’ll be strong

I’m not letting go, But the fire in my lungs desire a while to overcome, and the noises in my head desire a little to occur well…

To the seas and skies

”I’m sorry I’m really a mess right now, I’m trying my best to get it together somehow”

 

His letters, full of love and heaviness, he was the strongest warrior, yet with a white heart that makes him the weakest, he was the wall that everybody relied on, the shoulder they needed to cry on, the help they needed to move on, and the cure they needed to heal. He was everybody’s everything, yet not his own, he was a warrior that fought life, fought the love and the hate, he was the purest cloud in the sky, the only one with light rain and very little thunder, he was everything, yet not his own, he fought life, trying to stand up, he fought dreams trying to live real, he fought emptiness trying to be full, he was faithful, yet with broken wings, he was this kind of souls who love, and give, the kind that once you get to know, you feel alive, the kind that makes everything bloom, yet and again, not for himself.

He was a lover of a girl, that loved him and he loved her back, he tried his best to make it right, he tried his best to fix it all, and he did, he fixed her whole life, but, not his own. He had this kind of a hard soul, this tough powerful soul, that could take him down and raise him back up, his own self-was his own enemy, that he fought over and over, and he just stood there, is the middle of the field, he lost it all.

He was this kind of a lover, this kind of a pure soul, that tried to make everything right, he opened up, spoke to the skies about his sorrow, about his pain and his love, he knew he was in the middle of a battle, but he knew for sure that he was going to make it. So he just held the pen and wrote a letter to the seas and skies, saying; ”I’m sorry I’m really a mess right now, I’m trying my best to get it together somehow”

And I know for sure, that he well.

Fire

My heart, was on fire and so is my soul.

 

-sometimes, trying to protect everyone and taking control of everything causes you pain, causes you a war that you were better off without. Setting yourself on fire will hurt Nobody but you. So just let it go and take care of you, for you.

 

 

 

 

 

A War

The world, is such a war, and I’m so tired of living wars, me myself, is a war. My thoughts, my feelings and my heart, everything is such a war. I’ve been living, fighting for years. I’ve been trying, I’ve been surviving, I’m not relying, I’ve never relied on anything or anyone. I’ve been a worrier and I’ve been my own solider, I’ve been fighting wars for almost forever, everything is a war, fighting feelings, fighting thoughts, fighting hope and fighting fear, even the people I’ve met I’ve been fighting them. Everything is a war, and I’m so tired of wars. Love is a war too, a different type of wars, sometimes I’ve been fighting for it and sometimes I’ve been fighting against it, it gets you lost, it makes you lose your mind, it’s something like that, you don’t know if you’re healing or hurting, it’s complicated and that’s why it is a way different war, the pain you feel is the deepest truth, it’s the things you need to move and fight. loneliness is a war too, it makes you want to cry, to see deeper and look for lights, darkness is also a war, the world is such a war, and I am a war too, how do you fight a soul that has been fighting for so many things, for life and for hope, a tired, damaged soul, its such a tough war, everyone is fighting one, the world is the field of wars, the battles, and the scars, everything is a horrible war, my feelings are my enemies, and me myself, I’m my own war.

The special note

A rainy day, I’m sitting close to this person who plays, his note is breaking my heart I’m already in pain, my feelings are slowly coming back to life as he plays, they hurt me more as he hits his notes, as he randomly moves to another tone, I move and I cry a bit more, my eyes are shut but my heart is open and it hurts, it burns, I’m on fire while everything around me is calm and everyone listens, this soft rhythm that he plays takes my heart as it rains, it moves my soul to a different place, it takes me and I can think of nothing but the love, the missing and the loss, as I stare at the window and count every drop of rain, the thought of you never leaves my brain, your name comes with every sound in this place, like if everything was about you and I was lost looking for you, following your name and what belongs to you, like if this melody was a way to remember you, to remember your details and the way I loved you, to remember the feelings and how it used to be with you, this soft note reminds me of how soft you were, it reminds me of our first song that we danced to, this rhythm and this melody, the connection is so heavenly.

As I dive deep into my thoughts, the memories of you are hitting my lungs, I no longer can hold my pain and my tears, the love I had was enough for more years, till the end of forever I would’ve loved you, you were the special note in the melody, the key that made it heavenly. you were the difference between fire and water, the calm space between the sun and the moon, the distance between a hard wave and the shore. you were everything that carried a meaning.

And as he plays his final note, he gives his emotions and his soul, he collided with his art, and I shattered with my burning heart.